Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
