I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
