Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Randomize
