Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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