No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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