I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
