I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
