Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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