then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
