I am puke
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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