my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
