i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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