Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
