Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
