my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
