Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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