I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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