I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
