She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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