alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
