ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
