Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
should my penis look like a turkey
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
