it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
