It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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