but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
