its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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