I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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