If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
