She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
