if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
