why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
