I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
