she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
