I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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