Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
