I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
