he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
