i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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