He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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