fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
