I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
