You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
