I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
