I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
