I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
