Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
