i think my mom watched the whole time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
