i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
