LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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