There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
