A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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