yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
