i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
